boom

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like a kick in the chest...the wood shot out...kicked out of my tablesaw...i checked to see if i ripped my shirt...and then...was my hand attached to the wood???shit...blood...peeking at the remnants off my hand...okay be cool...grab that rag ...okay ...hospital...but the door to the house is closed...reaching for the knob...with..well not that hand...okay ...tuck the warm, red rag under my arm...squeeze tight...in the house...the beautiful girl asleep...closed last night...try not to scare the shit out of her...honey...honey...HONEY!!!...okay...the whole not freaking out thing impossible...hospital...where???okay down the road...ten blocks...on 5th or ninth...cindy screeching around corners...crying and glancing over at the warm, wet, dripping rag...my ashen face...in the one way entrance to the hospital...passing people who seem to have seen this film many times before...pointing to emergency...their are cop cars everywhere??..hope the girl doesn't get a ticket...warm red dripping rag...wild hair..monster...the nurse smiles...what did you do?babble...tablesaw...passing out babble...something about the gurney next to me...thats where the cops are...lots of tv medical terms...flurry of activity...the floor has shit on it...it should be cleaner right!!quieter now...code...tod...10.30...refocus...er doc ...asking about tablesaws...he peeks under the rag...does it hurt??? well now that i think of it...yesssss...needles and bone...don't look...they have a hand guy...my lucky day...and then...a chubby male nurse in blue...smiling...saying he has the answer...what?what is the answer...dulaudid...yeah he was right...the beautiful girl is holding the good hand..trembling but smiling...i hear " probably lose" and "boy look how that ring stopped the blade"...now the surgeon...a good looking man...really rough with whats left of my hand...amputate...dulaudid..bone graphs...dulaudid...did he say pig skin???surgery will probably take hours...amputate...sure...if thats what you...my cousin is here..when did she arrive...how did she even know??? cindy...no we want to try to save..i hear her say...really difficult path...much easier...displeased look on surgeons face...dalaudid...laying in or...stretched out like the savior on the cross...i look over and for the first...see what is left of my right hand...bone and flesh...my pinkie seems okay...everything else...fucked...doc pats me on the chest...okay big guy...today starts a whole new life...see you when you wake...up...

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