gritty musings...Bright Shiny Pennies

so a year ago this morning...i was in a hospital room my mangled hand in a giant restraint...i was dazed and more than a little frightened...my right hand was in shambles and so was my future...between the shots of dilaudid and the endless iv's...something incredible happened..and has kept happening since that very day...kindness happened...doctors...nurses...physical therapists...my closest friends...more than a few casual acquaintances...and total strangers...extended healing to me...kind words...encouraging thoughts...prayers...it changed how i viewed life...how i viewed people...and it made me thankul and humbled...it is so easy to miss all the positive things that happen to us day in...dayout...but when life throws you a big curve ball...you might just find out how really amazing people can be...i know, this from the sarcastic, more than a little evil bastard who rants at the moon...but this morning...as i type this missive with both hands...i gotta tell ya...all of you that r

So four years ago I was ranting...about Bush and Cheney...about war and big business...about my lack of medical insurance and about an ever expanding elite class poised to destruct America...wow... what a difference a couple years make...Bush seems a distant memory, although his legacy ain't...Cheney remains the hate mongering old fool  he always was... and yet...it all seems so much worse...the war in iraq seems over...osama and ghadafi are dead...but my house is worth 60% less than it was 4 years ago...i still have no health insurance, but i did get to see what happens to a person thrust into the system...there is no credit...no jobs...and both parties don't seem to have a single person that could inspire and unite us...the republicans keep dredging the bottom of the barrel for whatever worked in the last election...a black guy...a woman...except as usual they have no concept of good and evil...or dumb or dumber for that matter...joe the plumber is running for congress...now

okay you heard me...the cursing...the damning...the tirade about a big oil company destroying my beautiful gulf...well, I meant it...hate the fuckers...which is why i take the utmost, ultimate, ball tingling joy in saying..."yeah, i took it"...their blood money... my tiny portion of their spindly 2 billion or so to "compensate" us for our loss of wages...wildlife...lifestyle...the generational destruction of one of the worlds largest eco-systems...and I never thought twice...didn't hesitate an instant...signed the paper...I exculpated them from their dastardly deed...but i fooled them...i had my fingers crossed...hey don't judge me..." I NEEDED THE MONEY!!!"

read the paper...watch the news...just plain talk to the people sitting next to you when you are bending your elbow...we have surrendered...almost all of us...left, right, center...i think the only people who are happy are the rich...cause its good to be rich...its the american dream...and in that lies the problem...is that all we have been reduced to...the rich and those of us close enough to reach for the brass or in our case green ring...how else do you explain...an attraction to ass clowns like ...Perry...Bachman...Limbaugh...shit even our president...at least Palin screwed the pooch and alienated herself from the extreme right by getting outed for schtupping a black guy...would have been better for her if she got cuddly with an Inuit...but i digress...no it seems we are at the "throw in the towel" period of american history...big business no longer wears the veil of propriety...they own us...and they tell us every day...the supreme court rubber stamps anything vaguely re

so this whole thing is spinning...i mean our world...our part of the pizza...it easy to get metaphysical about everything...to read it like you read the paper...with a detached feeling of separation...the upward spiraling debt...vanishing jobs...unavailable credit...part of our country having lost their collective minds...  willing to follow ass clowns like Bachman and Perry and Palin into the great void...but when it touches you it can be illuminating...frightening clear...7 years ago the girls bought a cottage for 150k   and today we received the tax bill...58k ...we are paying half the taxes we paid 7 years ago ...which on the surface is good...but then think about the education budget...the infrastructure budget ...and realize that we are crashing...we lost another 20% of value...this year...in recovery...logic says pack up the uhaul and the dog...take a mortgage payment and hire a lawyer and blow this pop corn stand...but this was their dream... this little cottage...yet ...they c

They say as you get older time flies...well that's not true it screams like a cheetah on fire past you...a mere second ago I was surrounded by blue water...eating tacos by moon light at the plaza principal...or watching the sunrise over the Caribbean...But now I am back...to the reality of the moment...back doing what I love and hate at the same time...Back in a country so lost and misguided that i fear we are as close to demise...as we have ever been.. But no politics today...today is my "mis en place"...my things in their place... I love cooking...creating..seeing something come to fruition on paper... and then...live in a dining room...its why i do it...I love teaching what I know to my staff and watching them get better...well some of them...it is a very satisfying way of life...immediate in it's praise and its disapproval...what do I hate...the look in my owners eyes after a slow week in august...dreams dashed...hope in short supply ...but if I am being honest..

oh do I love me some Mexico...its funny, because I universally get the strange cocker-spaniel look when I say the beautiful girl and I are headed south of the border...look we know that Tijuana is dangerous for americans, anyone with money for that matter...I hear the horror stories out of Cabo and Acapulco...the kidnappings in Mexico city...but all I can tell you is my little eastern corner of Mexico...in the Yucatan...its all tranquillo ...the Mayan people are wonderful and welcoming... they endure us...they are not  phony ... not the smiling front desk of any hotel outside the US... we struggle but laugh through...their stumbling English...my halting...kitchen Spanish...lots of hand signals... me pointing at the money...cause after seven years I still can't count past fifteen...how some how i start using the handful of Italian and french words that slip into my mind when i can't communicate in English...the weather is bowels of hell hot...but strangely its tolerable on Isla.

lots to watch, see and hear these days...republicans are cautiously circling the one bone that is...the republican presidential nomination...but do you ever ask yourself...why do these people...these specific people...want to be king of america...or in some cases queen...democrats have a different criteria...liberal...pro abortion...anti war...anti business...you get the rap...but the "pubs"...they get the stupid and loathsome ...palin...shes that girl from high school that you hoped would get the Carrie treatment at the prom...her boyfriend was always the school bully...we have "the newt"...another irrelevant has been...trying to relive old glory???...Tim Pawlenty the  ex governor of minesoda...yes i spelled it wrong.. and lest we forget...michele " the truth" Bachman...darling of the tea baggers...re writing history...one small mis- step after another...throw in a huckabee, a romney , a santorum and you have a whose who of the uniformed and "unitell

So one of the posts last week was a lament...oh yeah i tried to turn it into something about other people being out of work...and it was... but mostly...a pity party...for poor ole pitiful me...and just about then a door opened instead of a window... and it only took walking through it...and that quick I am back on a line...cooking with my fucked up hand...doing what I love best...doors are much better than open windows...and besides i am a whiny bitch...and it takes much less effort to reach out and do something...walk through that unknown door ...than to...leap from a window...thanks to westy's for putting that all back in perspective

so i am painting my house...music blaring...scorching Florida sun...and NPR does a little spot...ohh i know...NPR...enjoy it while i have it...anyway...its about Florida governor Rick Scott...you know douche bag...oops there goes my blog again...so he comes up with the great conservative idea to drug test anybody on public assistance in the state...not a new idea, for sure...but definitely popular with the "IHN" and far right...and because the government in Florida is like an amoeba...you know one brain cell between all of them...it passes...swiftly...now on the outside it looks...well...acceptable...one should not be on drugs and using the state to feed themselves and their babies...but here is where my conspiracy laden mind goes...who's paying to drug test all these people...the state i guess... the same state that has cut education by 30 %...police by 30%...highways, bridges,,,sandboxes... you get it...and who will get the contract to process these tests...certainly no

its been almost seven months...my fingers are on my hand...and i am learning how to do things all over again...and i am out of work...this is something new to me...i worked hard to reach a certain point in my career...its been almost a couple of decades...running kitchens...i am pretty good at it...i have an imagination...a desire to keep learning...to improve my craft...but i am up against it...like millions of very qualified americans i can't find work...i have been told i am over-qualified...too old...not corporate enough...lots of reasons...some may even be about my new challenges...my hand...but that is not what this missive is about...its about not working...and all the people like me that find themselves without a job...i find it humiliating...i feel less of the man i was such a short time ago...so many of us in the same boat...people with tremendous amounts of education and experience...lives spent honing a craft...it reduces you, diminishes you daily...i watch kids I have

been reading alot lately...all sorts of stuff...an interesting interpretation of the second continental congress...and the establishment of the foundations for our government...it seems then as now that the forces that opposed each other were aligned along the lines of self enrichment...there were voices that understood the frailty of our new union ...and others that just wanted to maintain their hold on  their riches and insure that the path to future riches were unobstructed...that is a very, very simple encapsulation of the book...but.. .it made me think.. .about the last decade here in the ole usa...greed and arrogance have us fighting  un-winnable wars in far off nations...the banks of our country are likened to the vultures picking the last flesh from the carcass that was a healthy America...everyone is turning a blind eye to the uncontrolled cost of the... now close to half... our nation that has no health care ...with the first wave of baby boomers turning 65 and waiting for

so bin laden is dead...found in the honeymoon capital of Pakistan...living in a million dollar compound, with his youngest wife, child and a slew of bodyguards and couriers...at first... relief...like killing Hitler...a giant exhale...and then the media...people parading in the streets...and i get that too...so many of us affected by one mans singular hatred of a people and a way of life...so many innocent lives lost...here...and in Iraq...because lest we forget...Iraq was the brunt of our anger...and thousands of American and Iraqi lives were forfeit to a war based on finding the man and punishing a regime... most likely never involved with bin laden's politics...my cousin the nursing student put up a post by Martin Luther King...along the lines of "i will not rejoice in the death of my enemy...because he too is a human being"...and i admit to being proud of her politics...i only wish i was that resolute in my convictions...bin laden is dead and i am glad of it...i jus

it made me wonder... why shut me down...this blog has 6 followers...and i think i am one of them.. totally by accident...i assure you...but... i write about other things...travel...cooking...sports...yet after reviewing two years of blogs...mostly i feel the need to comment on the rapid, Vaseline lubed decline of what i used to call America...i write this blog for me...as my friend beardo puts it...to keep me from actually killing un-expecting, neophyte conservatives...espousing birther nonsense...all the while regaling the newest "mouth terd" excreted by Rush Limbaugh...i thought i was expressing myself in a free environment...but i was wrong...in the land of "social interaction"...we are the only censurer...as it was explained to me...anyone of us can simply look over to the bottom of any posting and report it as abusive...i just wonder if i report some of these uber conservative...wacko racist sites as offensive to me...will they be shut down...slapped on the wri

its been a month or so since i got shut down...apparently someone...god know who reads this thing...was offended by something i said...well fuck ...i hope so...i mean mostly i write this blog for me...sorta a "keep the machete from actually being a real machete" rather than a figurative one...so...if you liked bush...and you admire the work that the republican party is doing these days ...if i don't offend you...well than i am just not trying...so if they let me publish this... i promise to keep screaming loud...and pissing off as many illiterate haters as possible...oh yeah rick scott is a douche bag...i'm just saying

this is a test...has someone read an unpublished blog of mine and reported it as abusive...hmmmm sounds fishy

they say you love the most something you can't do... i can't play a lick of music...i have a music collection that rivals almost anyone i have ever met...well except beardo...i enjoy almost everything i hear...i listen to classic rock...blues...motown...jazz...reggae...ska...country...bluegrass...folk...even rap...but play???...not a lick...so i marvel at those of you that can play...and after all these years of running bars and restaurants i have tons of musician friends...some are truly gifted...they write their own music...they stand in a room full of people ...out to get their respective drinks on...and play thru loud obnoxious conversations that are way too close to stage...they bleed their hearts out for a tip jar that is far too often short of the mark...and i sit in this din...and wonder how they do it...a kitchen is a loud chaotic place...and i practice my art...but really for myself...i don't see the customers face when they eat it...i mean i know its good...if y

so i read...bunches of stuff...cookbooks, novels, travel, photo, music and literature mags by the metric ton...i read about our world...all of it not just the city...the state...the region ...the nation i live in...i read stuff i don't agree with...i read stuff that's flat out untrue...but i read...i force myself through stuff that's absolute crap so i understand what is motivating people to think the way they do...i am not the sharpest pencil in the pack...more likely a very sharp spoon ...but...i wonder daily why so many of us are so willing to form an opinion from someone Else's mouth...or television appearance...if you read you can also read between the lines...you understand that when G.W. said that he knew there were no weapons of mass destruction...he meant but there were more important reasons to destabilize and control another country...oil...i also know that this group that is blindly slashing the size of government and programs that effect the least of us...

we cannot avoid mother natures little hiccups...earthquakes and the subsequent tsunamis are as unavoidable as they are horrific...but the man made fallout is what is truly frightening...if you are old enough to remember three mile island and Chernobyl...you know that we run the risk of irreparably changing our planet forever with an unchecked nuclear reactor...japan is admittedly years ahead of the U.S. in preparation for the worst case scenario...and we got to see first hand how a certain set of circumstances can create the perfect storm for radiation destruction of a large area...and then to listen to the talking heads say that we are too close to this horrible event to really look at our precautions and preparations...is to say the least ridiculous...years ago when i was a wee lad we fought hard against nuclear reactors...they built one in my backyard...there was no n.i.m.b.y. then ...not in my backyard...but we were fighting against a source of energy that brings with it an unacce

so i don't write that much about the whole chef thing...and by now i hope you get the "mis en place" thing is a veiled reference to the important bits and pieces of our lives...but i still love my profession... that being said i just finished a great article about sustainable seafood...it made me realize that most people don't have any idea what that means to you as a diner in a restaurant...personally i stopped serving "wild seafood" gradually over the past fifteen years...here in florida what became increasingly clear was that the wild fish that people eat were becoming scarcer and more expensive as our appetite for fish grew...coming from philly to florida...the whole fresh fish thing was screwed up anyway...fish came iced in boxes...most was harvested( meaning filleted or steaked and mostly boned)...it came with dock dates which honestly meant very little to me... as long as the fish didn't smell like fish... i took it in and served it...then i got

Its hard to cheer for America these days...i mean i want to, really i do...but the idiots are in charge again...fixated on solving that darn deficit...they gotta cut spending...PBS... see ya...infrastructure maintenance and up keep...vios con dios...that's roads and bridges to you tea potters...i can't put enough pictures up to keep you interested...but what i can cheer for...what is really exciting is that the ignorant and willing... are about to train wreck our nation...scott and rubio in florida turn down a multibillion dollar fast track bullet train...guartenteed to not cost ther tax payers a nickel and provide jobs for the next ten years...but like scott...the racist christian conservatives middle Americans...garbed in the costume of crusading fiscal realists are headed straight into a train wreck with the not so conservative...but we need "our" earmark republicans...they courted these miscreants to take over the house...and now realize they are fucking uninform

here in st. pete we just lost another policeman...he wasn't lost he was shot and killed...by a sixteen year old kid...a black sixteen year old...we live in a racially charged city...less than a month ago two policeman were killed by another African American...the usual racist crap is on the airwaves...but...this is not a black white thing ...this is a gun thing...no one but the police need handguns...i do not give one shit about your personal liberty...if you need a gun then the gun available to the American public should be a shot gun...a big ...hard to conceal...shotgun...you can defend your home...your family with a shotgun...what not cool enough...not sleek and shiny and able to hold a forty two bullet clip...tough shit...the argument that only criminals will have guns...is frankly bullshit...the nra...a gun lobby...dispels this garbage and every single American is less safe for it...the right to bear arms was brought about because of the English laws that forbade it prior to o

sorry its been a couple of weeks...and now that i don't spend 6 days a week in the kitchen...meaning reading the paper everyday...i have to admit to being a little disconnected from the stupidity that surrounds me here in the sunshine state...but a quick glance at a recent paper brought home the screaming reality that i live in a state that should be returned to to the large reptilian ancestors that forged her...the new governor... a white collar criminal...special interest puppet has started his term with the blanket dismissal of the nations first new high speed line that would connect Tampa with Orlando...now to those of you that don't live in this developers nightmare...insufficient highways make travel between these two hubs taxing at best...both cities are gateway cities to our tourism industry...one for the mouse the other for the beaches...what made this such a collassal fuckup is that the decision was not made for any other reason than to make the tea party idiots happy

so rumsfeld is getting the " defender of the constitution award" at the cpac convention....you know the conservative punks acting cunty...rumsfeld ...that bastion of american patriotic fervor responsible for engineering the war for oil and haliburton...harbinger of death for a generation of young americans, iraqis and lest we forget the legion of the willing...a bush crony smart enough to reach the ring of trust with g-dub...smart enough still to get out before the war crimes charges were filed in the Hague...anyone else catching the vibe that the "new" conservatives are gonna use public works to erect lynching trees with automated footstools for people of color and Hispanics...this group just keeps grasping at the most reprehensible precepts in modern philosophical dogma...embracing them and putting them on the back of a t-shirt...hang a Muslim...okay with them...52 bullet automatic clip pistols for five year old autistic Hitler neophytes...why sure...lets all hold

the tragedy in arizona is stunning to me...how am i stunned...what causes me to pause you ask...well simply put...that which divides us...continues, without abatement...the nutbags on the right full of fear and hate...are growing little monsters...unfair you say...well lets stand back and look at that in fair light...tree hugging hippes...anti gun loving...racist deploring...liberals are not raising anti Semitic, racist separatists...they are raising little liberals full of love for their fellow american...even when the cost of that love is to watch our nation careen downward toward ruination...i find it really interesting but entirely un-compelling to hear the right ask that we all meet in the middle...there is no middle... there is only far right and way far right in this country... Representative Giffords was "targeted" by the right...to be eliminated...removed for her views...for being a liberal...i can't help but wonder after the last couple years of lies and disinfo

on a normal new years day...i would resolve...to lose weight...get to the gym...read more...finish that chest of drawers in the shop...and i would half heartedly try...and then around february first...forget about it...this year brings a host of resolutions...sure my fat ass still needs to find a gym...and i can always read more...but this year i will learn to write...with my right hand...again...and i will teach myself how to use one of my beloved knives...to cut lettuce or bread...maybe even trim a tender...down the road...and if i can do that...then maybe we'll work on the ignition key to my truck...or drawing a cartoon...painting a watercolor...i know i can do all these things with my left hand...but you see my left hand is now my strength..i lift with it...hold with it...it is my strong back...in 2011 i will coach the hurting club that hangs where my right hand used to be...to be useful...to rejoin the team...it will be a year of...well being resolute